I have no color and all colors, I am nowhere and everywhere. I am hidden and shadowy, elusive and haunting. I cause those unexplainable goosebumps, chills and worries you feel. I am dormant and active. I lurk in your home and in your mind. I will never leave, you cannot run or hide from me. I am the unknown. I strike unexpectedly and I settle in for days...weeks...months...and even when I leave you know I am not really gone. I will come back! I have many different forms and shapes - I am constantly changing, shifting. I am weak and strong, void of simple definition. I am seen and felt and understood differently by each being I encounter. I am The Beast.
I have tried to write about The Beast several times, but like it's shadowy existence explanation has always eluded me. Lately I haven't had to face The Beast head on; it remains dormant. Despite that fact it still lurks in the corners of my mind; it is inescapable. At times it steals sleep from me, like it is now, relishing my worry over when it will make it's next appearance. I draw and paint The Beast in order to expel it from myself, even if only briefly. No one sees work that is the result of The Beast; it is disposed of or hidden away. When The Beast is prominent and no longer hiding - it clouds my every thought, move, action and creation. It consumes me - even though I am not The Beast's true target. It is mine indirectly, affecting me while attacking another. I cannot spare it's true victim harm or pain. I am helpless against The Beast. When I move out or away, The Beast will not let me go. It will follow me and stay behind. And I will know that it is here for it is always here. Perhaps the mere fact that I know fighting it is pointless, perhaps that is what bothers me most about The Beast. It is my true greatest fear - for above all else, The Beast is unknown.
